I like pretty teeth, but I hate the dentist. WHY, you ask? Dentists (more so, their ASSistants) find pleasure in verbally assaulting you when your teeth DARE be anything less than perfect. AND they have the upper hand because your mouth is full of their fingers and you can’t respond or defend yourself.
Case-in-point: Last time I was at the dentist, the pompous assistant asks while haughtily scrapping away at my teeth, “So, how much soy sauce DO you eat? . . .” WHAT!? How in the world do I EVEN begin to form a response to such an asinine question? Cups per month? Drops per hour? ASSININE! (DEFENSE! I have relatively nice teeth and eat hardly ANY soy sauce, thank you very much)
The only other occupation that rivals this is a computer tech with their condescending lingo and personal jabs. Yeah, I WANTED that virus to find its way on my computer. OF COURSE, I LIKE it when my computer runs slower than molasses. I don’t care that I did not know to run an HK-3561 scan before I upload my Vex350. THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU, you idiot!
I do NOT pay people for insults (they come so easily on their own). I pay you to shut your trap and clean my teeth!
Sorry, I digress.
SO, today I reluctantly ventured to the dentist. (It has actually been a couple years - you know, poor college students with no insurance - and I was a little anxious. Megs had gotten her teeth cleaned a month back and when I found out how much they charged her I almost hit the floor. SO, my sweet wife did a little investigation and found a new dentist in town that was running a new patient deal. $39 for exam, x-ray, and cleaning! She signed me up!) I walked in a put on my happy face. Long of the short . . . it was the MOST ENJOYABLE dental visit I have had since I could lay down and watch the train go in circles when I was getting my braces tightened. NO RIDICULE. NO JABS. Just a straight forward and honest exam, x-ray, and cleaning. Even though the dentist informed me that I have FOUR cavities to serviced (another story for another day . . .aka, my last dentist did not fix my last ones like he was supposed to . . .), he still did it with respect and dignity and gave me the benefit of the doubt. I walked out a happy man . . . then I realized how much cavities suck to have fixed.
KIDS, listen up!: When the dentist tells you to floss twice a day, he means it . . .
I am a big believer that good business deserved a BIG SHOUT-OUT! SO, . . .
Give ‘em a try.
4 comments:
I'm not a fan of the dentist either. In fact, I need to go for a check-up - but I can't bring myself to make an appointment. I'm lucky to have good teeth. I went five years between visits and had no cavities - let's hoping that the last year has been just as kind to my teeth!
I laughed the entire time that I read this post! I can always count on some great comic relief when I visit your blog!... that is not a "personal jab", I mean it in a good way.
So, did you get a free iPod too?
I don't like this picture... it is going to haunt me and NO I don't like the dentist either.. OR their ASSistants. They always floss my teeth and i start bleeding uncontrollably because I hate flossing and then they say, "Do you floss?" Really? Would I be bleeding like this if I did... shut up.
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